Another Rant Against Romney

I am becoming the Anti-Romney. It’s an easy thing to be, and it gives me a nice warm feeling inside. The guy is an incorrigible asshole. He really can’t help himself. Everything he does to make himself appear like one of us just makes him look worse. He is the living, breathing embodiment of all that is most foul about the one percent. Remember when his handlers had him making a big show out of eating fast food? That should have sunk the man’s entire political career. Hmm, my advisers tell me that the poor like Whoppers and blacks eat at Church’s Fried Chicken. Note to self: mention the BK Broiler at the auto show. It was beyond insulting. Did they also tell him we watch cage fighting and always travel single file to hide our numbers?

What on earth has convinced that man that he qualifies to be president? Is it his incisive political acumen? His deeply thought-out political beliefs? Let’s face it, Mitt hasn’t spent too much time with the Federalist Papers. He may as well come out and say it. He wants to be president so he can cut his own taxes, and his boy’s taxes too. According to David Cay Johnston, they’re each coming into a about twenty million. Each one of those plastic goofballs is getting twenty million dollars. Is it unfair of me to attack the boys? Not when they’re out actively campaigning for daddy and making asinine birther jokes. (Meanwhile, my mother who is on Social Security and unemployment can’t even qualify for food stamps)

It’s really amazing to me. Anybody with enough money automatically qualifies as a serious candidate, regardless of skill, intelligence or wisdom. Any asshole with a big enough fortune thinks he’s qualified to sit opposite Putin, negotiate arms control agreements, set wise domestic policies. It really is a joke. (In this respect I like Obama. At least he’s a mature adult with a functioning intellect).

We Americans make a lot of dumb political decisions, but occasionally we get it right. I’m going to do something unusual and praise the people’s common sense. We’ve got Romney’s number. Barring some disaster that puts Obama in the soup, no way Romney gets in. He barely won Michigan and his dad once the governor! It’s almost kind of sad. Nobody but nobody likes the guy. Of course, he’s worked very hard to earn it.

As we sink more deeply into plutocracy, our politics will spew out more and greater mediocrities, and as the real business of government is conducted behind the scenes, elections will become an even more pointless and grotesque spectacle than they already are. We’re constantly urged to respect the office, but, seriously, how much respect can you have for a whorehouse?

We will have the contemporary American equivalents of the emperor Didius Julianus, who blatantly purchased the throne at an auction conducted by the Praetorian Guard, who promptly assassinated him three months later.

UPDATE: Will Bunch highlights a new Romney atrocity. He’s starting to drop his G’s.