Friday, March 9, 2012

Romney’s Southern Charm

Mitt Romney is turning on his irresistible regular guy charm again, Southern style:
In Mississippi, Romney did try out some Southern charm, telling his audience he was “an unofficial Southerner.”

“I am learning to say y’all and I like grits, and things,” he joked. “Strange things are happening to me.”

Golly, he’s a regular Rhett Butler. Somebody catch me when I swoon. If he also likes Hee Haw and Larry the Cable Guy I just might fall hopelessly in love.

So if I like tacos and occasionally refer to beer as cerveza, does that make me an unofficial Mexican? Would that qualify as Latin charm? Just asking. Maybe I’ll walk up to the first Chinese girl I see and say, “I ate won ton soup for dinner last night, honey, love me.”

But if that doesn’t make you gag, the Mississippi governor’s response surely will: “He [Romney] just has a warm, comfortable way about him,” Bryant told reporters. “I like to see a man when he’s holding a baby. And he looks like he’s held a baby before.”

One parasite shamelessly sucking up to another. How lovely, and how educational as well: I always wondered what it would look like to see a leech kiss a tapeworm’s cloaca.

Is that really the best that Romney’s own supporters can come up with, vote for Mitt because he knows how to hold a baby? Jesus. I held my baby sister when I was all of about ten. Can I be vice president? I also taught my niece how to ride a bike and do long division. Shit, maybe if I teach my little nephew to read I’ll qualify for the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Anyway, Krugman gives a nice example of Mitt’s heartwarming ways today. When a high school senior asked him about the rising cost of college, this was Romney’s warm, comfortable advice: “Don’t just go to one that has the highest price. Go to one that has a little lower price where you can get a good education. And, hopefully, you’ll find that. And don’t expect the government to forgive the debt that you take on.”

Now shut up and eat your grits, sonny, and don’t complain: the world needs ditch diggers, too. Tell you what, if you wash Ann’s Cadillacs I’ll pay you ten bucks and give you a free copy of the Book of Mormon, mmmkay?

I wonder, did he give the same advice to Tagg or Craig or any of his other sons?

1 comment:

Grung_e_Gene said...

I'm waiting for Mr. Out-of-Touch to sing "Alabama" thinking it's an ode to the South.

Wait, I'm giving Vulture Mitt far too much credit to imagine he's every listened to Neil Young!