Friday, June 18, 2010

Balloons Over Kandahar

While you’ve been sleeping, or working, or not sleeping at all because you can’t find work, the U.S. Army Space and Missile Defense Command has been busy designing a brand new, super-duper weapon that will prove to be another great leap forward in America’s march to permanent military supremacy, the Long Endurance Multi-Intelligence Vehicle:
NAPLES, Italy — The Army’s newest aircraft looks more like a Thanksgiving Day parade reject than the latest weapon against insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan.

But the Long Endurance Multi-Intelligence Vehicle is expected to provide commanders with real-time intelligence, surveillance and reconnaissance information, all from 20,000 feet.

The $517 million, five-year contract to build up to three blimplike LEMVs was awarded to Northrop Grumman by the U.S. Army Space and Missile Defense Command/Army Forces Strategic Command. While company officials wouldn’t provide a solid launch date, they said the first one should be floating over the skies of Afghanistan in about 18 months.

It’s a blimp. The US is going to spend $517 million building blimps. Hallelujah! For the last nine years, I’ve been screaming and shouting that the US can’t win in Afghanistan without a fleet of blimps, but did anyone listen? No. They all just laughed and called me crazy. They jeered, they spat, they looked at me with stony silence. I felt like Daniel in the lion’s den, but I never lost faith because I knew the truth:

Why did the British lose in Afghanistan? No Blimps.

Why did the Russians lose in Afghanistan? No blimps.

Why are we losing Afghanistan? No blimps.

The Pentagon sees the truth but waits. I knew this, and so I patiently endured the taunts of my countrymen until they all came around to this blindingly obvious fact: If America is to win the war in Afghanistan, we must build a bigger, better balloon.

And now, at last, I’ve been vindicated.

And what’s the worst that can happen? If the balloons fail, we can always paint Coors Light logos on the side and have them film football games right here at home. It’s a win-win idea. Am I the only one with any vision around here?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

He also was the leading rusher in the postseason, with 446 yards and two touchdowns on 83 carries in three playoff games. Of Dallas and Food Basics in Shavertown are about 2.5 miles apart, with an existing Weis store at 2525 Memorial Highway in Dallas roughly halfway between them.

But if it turns out to be a meeting of the Society of Sports Statisticians, I'd prefer to sit alone in the corner and be happier eating little cubes New Air Jordan Shoes of cheese on a toothpick. Twice let her see parts of MK Outlet the property beyond the garage and container, including once chained to a four wheeler..

Fine is a public servant in the finest tradition of honest, competent governance," Mattis told Yahoo News in an email. They apply humor and strength in their games and have emerged as a team worthy looking up to.. "It's unprecedented to see what the world is going through right now.

Trump. "At NAMI we say 'you are not alone,' and it has never been more true Jordan Shoes For Sale than now. The fire service said in a Tweet that a propane gas canister had Cheap Yeezy Shoes Sale exploded Yeezy Shoes For Sale and building materials and two bitumen boilers had caught fire. We are proactively contacting customers in departure date order to discuss their options, one of which is rebooking their holiday to a later date.

WHO Air Force 1 In Store director general Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus called for unity to fight the disease on Wednesday after US President Coach Outlet Clearance Donald Trump criticised the global health body and threatened to cut its funding. Jackson had 3,127 passing yards and 36 touchdown passes with six interceptions and ran for 1,206 yards and seven touchdowns by averaging 6.9 yards per carry."Had a great year, and he's only going to continue to Cheap Nike Air Force 1 get better," Ingram said..