Sunday, June 20, 2010

Preview Of Coming Attractions

We live in a nation with about ten percent unemployment. Actually, it’s probably closer to twenty percent, and that’s not including the submerged class of under-employed serfs who work part-time in such lucrative and fulfilling professions as waitress, bartender, cashier, or Wal-Mart greeter. And what do our wise leaders do? They invent pain rays. Yes, it’s true. The geniuses at the Pentagon have invented something called the Active Denial System, which is a heat ray that makes the victim feel like they’re being “roasted alive.” It’s ostensibly non-lethal, like a taser, and is going to be used for crowd control. So we’re going to test this baby on the wogs first — reports are that it’s already in Afghanistan, and if it proves successful, you can bet we’ll have them in every police department in America soon. Just in time to subdue the civil disorder that will inevitably flare up if unemployment keeps rising.

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