You Heard It Here First

Or maybe not, but anyway. In January 2010, I wrote a little screed about Citizens United, the Supreme Court decision that allows corporations to dump unlimited amounts of cash into elections, turning our democracy, which was never the cat’s meow in the first place, into a full-fledged corporatocracy. It was called “One Step Closer to the Dream,” and in mid-rant I popped this off:

From now on, let’s allow them to decorate our soldier’s uniforms with corporate logos, too. Let every Iraqi and every Afghan see, emblazoned on every Marine’s helmet, the insignias of those corporate individuals responsible for bringing them freedom. Similarly, let’s demand that every elected official proudly display the colors of their biggest corporate sponsors, so we specifically know who to thank for keeping us free from the dreaded, godless specter of European-style socialism in the coming years.

Now imagine my surprise when big shot NY Times columnist Tom Friedman comes along on Sunday and writes the following:

We can’t afford this any longer. We need to focus on four reforms that don’t require new bureaucracies to implement. 1) If a bank is too big to fail, it is too big and needs to be broken up. We can’t risk another trillion-dollar bailout. 2) If your bank’s deposits are federally insured by U.S. taxpayers, you can’t do any proprietary trading with those deposits — period. 3) Derivatives have to be traded on transparent exchanges where we can see if another A.I.G. is building up enormous risk. 4) Finally, an idea from the blogosphere: U.S. congressmen should have to dress like Nascar drivers and wear the logos of all the banks, investment banks, insurance companies and real estate firms that they’re taking money from. The public needs to know. [ialics added]

How do you like that? My Big Idea is being co-opted by the mainstream media. I don’t know about you, but I think I at least deserve an autographed copy of The World is Flat or The Lexus and the Olive Tree; or, even better, one of Tom’s snazzy black turtleneck sweaters. If I had one of those I, too, could churn out dull, conventionally-minded columns and still be treated like the greatest American thinker since Ralph Waldo Emerson. What a wonderful world it would be.

No, just kidding. I really wouldn’t want any of those unholy items. I’d just as soon have herpes which, I imagine, approaches the same level of discomfort as reading one of his crappy books. I’ve never experienced either, thank heavens, and I’d like to keep it that way, if it’s all the same.

(Thank you Booman Tribune for supporting my cause!)