Thursday, September 8, 2011

We’re Still Exceptional In Some Ways

Take heart, my fellow Americans, there are still a few things we can be proud of. I found this nifty little graphic at Cat in the Bag,

What about spousal abuse, meth addiction, alcoholism, obesity, type II diabetes, infant mortality, illiteracy, and psychopathic gunmen who kill people for no other reason than they feel like it? Surely we deserve an honorable mention in those social problems as well?

Observe that Puerto Rico is ranked #2 in divorce. That pretty much means the US is ranked both #1 and #2 in that category, doesn’t it? They’re basically American citizens, the biggest difference being they don’t have the right to participate in those inter-active reality TV shows we call elections. They don’t have congressional representation either, that’s true, but who’s kidding who, do any of us really have that? They can, however, fight and die in our wars if they so choose, which is a unique privilege we grant to our colonial subjects. I think you could say that the status enjoyed by Puerto Ricans closely resembles the one our elites envision for us in the not so distant future. So, yeah, we’re #1 and #2 in divorces.

That slightly compensates for the fact that a couple of two-bit nobodies like New Zealand and Slovakia(!) are gaining ground on us in the teen pregnancy department. The nerve of those upstarts.