Oh, Sarah. We're going to miss her when she's gone, admit it. She's a daily source of wonder and amusement, that Sarah Palin; an exquisitely ridiculous creature who could have only come from the womb of the good old U.S.A. Imagine, an ambitious, back-biting politician who adheres to the most primitive Christian fundamentalism. She enjoys shooting animals, speaks like someone from the cast of Fargo, and has a kinky, librarianish demeanor that many deprived conservatives find sexy. An African evangelical minister performed some weird exorcism on her, and she has a brood of children with names like Piper, Trig, Track and Bristol. Her husband, a somewhat seedy looking fellow, is a former member of the Alaska Independence Party who runs a snow mobile shop, except they don't call them snow mobiles. They call them snoh machines. Priceless. We just can't let these people go, now. But we can't let Sarah advance her political career either.
I have an idea. How about a new reality show? At Home With The Palins. It's a win-win idea. Sarah is kept out of politics, to the benefit of humanity, but she remains in the limelight, giving us fresh weekly doses of Palin to make fun of (or admire, whichever you prefer). Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too?
I'll have to look up the copyright laws on this.
True, if McCain loses the election, she's probably finished in national politics anyway. There's a lot of talk she's got her sights set on 2012. She might, but her appeal doesn't extend beyond the lunatic base of the Republican Party. If she believes otherwise, she's even more delusional than we thought. Then again, she believes the world is only six thousand years old, so maybe she is that delusional. It won't matter. After four years of Democratic dominance, the conservatives will be frothing for a victory, and they're not gonna let Juneau Jenny mess it up. The Mitt Romney faction will try to chop her off at the knees, probably with the connivance of the Republican establishment. If reports are accurate, they've already begun the process. Also, by then, it's likely some new conservative star will have emerged to wow the base and steal her thunder. She's a transient phenomenon who will barely make it as a caption in history books.
So, chances are, the show won't be necessary as a public service. It will be strictly entertainment. But you never know.
Who's with me on this? Episode one, Sarah falls into a trance and starts speaking in tongues at a Wasilla PTA meeting. Scott, tormented by lecherous thoughts about Trig's teen aged babysitter, gets drunk and crashes his snow machine into a tree. You get the idea. If the Palin's don't go for it, we just make it a traditional television comedy/drama instead of a reality show (think Eight Is Enough meets Northern Exposure). We've already got someone to play Sarah. Seek out one those guys from Beverly Hills 90210 to play Scott (one of them ought to be sufficiently withered by now) and let Katie Holmes Norton audition for the role of one of the Palin daughters. We throw in a lot of footage showing Alaska's natural beauty, which will boost the state's tourist trade, and donate some of the profits to fruitfly research (but only if it's not in France). We'll even let McCain have a cameo appearance. Everyone gets a piece of the action. It can't lose.
It just might win an Emmy Award and a Nobel Peace Prize.
Oops. Sarah Palin's husband is named Todd, not Scott. My bad. But we can work out all those inconsequential details later.
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