Of Lou Dobbs and Cato The Elder

Carthago Delenda Est -- Carthage must be destroyed.

Those are the words of Cato the Elder. He repeated them constantly. Whenever he was speaking before the Roman Senate, regardless of the subject, he concluded each speech with that statement. Carthago Delenda est. Carthage must be destroyed. He knew the Mediterranean wasn't big enough for both Rome and Carthage. Sooner or later, one of them would have to buckle under and cry uncle. He was determined that it wouldn't be Rome.

Carthage must be destroyed.

Carthage eventually was destroyed. The Romans razed it down. They slaughtered all the men, sold the women and children into slavery, and planted salt into the ground so nothing would ever grow there again.

Talk about staying the course. Talk about taking care of business. Holy Shit!

I think about Cato the Elder every time I watch Lou Dobbs. Because no matter what is happening, he always repeats the same, tired refrain: we must keep out the illegal aliens. Everything always winds its way back around to that. We must keep out the illegal aliens. Is it a sunny day? We must keep out the illegal aliens. Is it a rainy day? We must keep out the illegal aliens. Are we at war, are we in a depression, are Martians levelling New York City with nuclear bombs? No matter. We must keep out the illegal aliens.

Which, as we all know, is transparent code for, "Keep the fuckin' spics out."

I just don't get it. I worked as a laborer a couple of years ago on a big construction site. There were a lot of Mexicans there. At lunchtime, they used to wave me over to where they hung out and made burritos for me. "Hey, Mickey, come here, come here. You want some food, man?"

We communicated in Spanglish. Our efforts were often awkward, but we always managed to convey a single point to each other, and we usually did so in a way that made us laugh like hell: the boss is an asshole.

Most of these guys were just poor workers, toiling away at shitty jobs to scrape a living. If you were cool, they invited you in. Guess what, Lou Dobbs? They aren't the Antichrist. In fact, their wives made some kick-ass carnitas.

So what if Mexicans come in? Who cares? As Gore Vidal once pointed out, history is really just the constant migration of tribes. Like it or not, we're ethnically evolving. What language do you speak? English? Your English is a mongrelized stew of Latin, Norman French, Anglo-Saxon English, and even Arabic. There is no such thing as a "pure" race or a "pure" language.

It's not anything to get in a wad about. It's something to cherish and embrace.

So just who is this pudgy old rich man called Lou Dobbs, and why does he get on our television sets and stir up irrational fears and hatred about these people?

The answer is ratings, I suspect. He's doing the blue collar, angry man thing. Still, I pity the old fool. He's never had good carnitas with Mexican laborers. Whenever I hear him ranting about the scourge of illegal immigration, I just shake my head and say, "Lou Dobbs delenda est."