Football Day In America

It's football day in America. Time to break out the credit card, buy a ten dollar hot dog and a fifteen dollar beer, and go watch the gladiators perform their awesome feats of strength for our vicarious pleasure.

I've long believed that America began declining when football replaced baseball as our national pastime. It's a just a theory I'm working on. Seriously, the growth of the Pentagon corresponds almost exactly with the rise in popularity of football. Perk up, grad students. Ohollern has a thesis for you. Somebody once said that football contains the two worst aspects of American society: violence and committee meetings. I would add crass commercialism into the mix.

But I can't help myself. I love it. Maybe I have a thing for violence and committee meetings, ha ha. I don't cheer for a specific team. I generally just want the underdog to win. The announcers are insufferable. And all the graphics flashing on the screen, egads. It's enough to give an epileptic siezures. It's like they're broadcasting to children or something, trying to wow us with all their cool and neat and super radical technology.

Wait. They are broadcasting to children. Children with fat guts and bald heads. Sorry guys, a forty year old man should not leave the house wearing a football jersey. It's just wrong. When you live in a country that now practices torture, it's obscene.

On more thing. No more Peyton Manning commercials, okay? Enough is enough.