Thank You, Donald Trump, Now Piss Off

We thank Donald Trump for performing a vital civic duty that must needs bring joy to all patriotic Americans: He utterly vanquished Jeb Bush. He didn’t just defeat him. He crushed him. He humiliated him. He whipped, beat and bludgeoned him like a red-headed stepchild, and in the process showed he Bush family to be the stuttering dullards they are. He sent them limp and bleeding from public life for years to come.

This was the most viscerally satisfying event in American politics since George Bush Sr. puked on the Japanese Prime Minister (while Barbara daubed his chin with a wet-nap and murmured, “That’s great, love, get it all up,” or when their dope son asked the Brazilian President, “Do you have blacks, too?”

Until last summer, I was convinced that 2016 would witness the blandest, most insipid and most demoralizing general election in American history, pitting Hillary Clinton against Jeb Bush. I thought this would lead to record low turnout, and regardless of who won there would be more free trade, more tax cuts at the top, more Very Serious and Responsible entitlement cuts for the middle, and a colder, wetter dog ditch for the coloreds and the poors at the bottom. In short, four more years of the same slow motion poison known as the “Washington Consensus” that is going to turn us into a third world slum before killing us off all together.

Then, inevitably, there would be another bank crash, another bailout, another terrorist attack and another failed war. It was at THIS point that I expected some proto-fascist Trumpian strong man to emerge, rising like some creature from a swamp, one part Mussolini, one part Andy Griffith, waving the flag and promising the folks he was going to make America great again (all the while playing slap and tickle with the banksters behind closed doors, who would be delighted to bankroll his movement if it meant getting rid of that fucking democracy once and for all).

Anyway, the Bushes are gone, and we must be fair and give credit where credit is due. Thank you, Donald Trump,and while I’m at it, let me thank you for fracturing the Republican party. It’s a pity the Democratic party can’t come up with anyone except another godammned Clinton to take advantage of this unique political opportunity. But then, the Democrats are just has hapless and pathetic as the Republicans whom you are destroying. We are going to find this out if Hillary should win, in which case the dismal scenario outlined above will, I believe, still hold true.

There. I said it. That’s the only nice thing I will ever say about Trump. Now piss off, Donald, and take your prick sons Uday and Qusey* Eric and Donald Jr. with you.

(*Stole that line from Thom Hartmann.)