Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Young Man With A Future

Say what you want, this kid’s on his way:

At his high school graduation last year, Tyler Coyner told the audience his goal in life was to become a hedge fund manager. Coyner was the class’s salutatorian and finished his time at Pahrump Valley High School with a 4.54 grade point average. That number may be slightly higher than it ought to have been, as Coyner was the founder of a business that charged students money to raise their GPA’s, by breaking into the school’s computer system.

Police say Tyler Coyner, 19, was the ringleader in a group of 13 students who have been charged with conspiracy, theft and computer intrusion in connection with the case. Last year, Coyner somehow obtained a password to the Pahrump Valley High School’s grade system and, over the course of two semesters, offered to change grades in return for cash payments, police say.

Born with some serious business sense, the grade deal wasn’t the only thing Coyner had going on. Police apparently found “equipment for making fake driver’s licenses” in Coyner’s dorm room at the University of Nevada-Reno (in addition to a flat screen TV, allegedly borrowed from Wal-Mart). Anyway, back to Coyner’s dreams- as his seems to be a victimless crime, much like insider trading, anyone want to hook him up with a summer internship?

If he doesn’t wimp out and “find Jesus” like so many other prisoners, he should have a bright career on Wall Street.

I’m not a parent, so thankfully I’ve been spared the trauma of having a child approach me and say, “Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a hedge fund manager.” But if that ever happened, I think I would react with the same horrified shock as if I’d walked in on him molesting his little sister or mutilating kittens. His parents should have seen the warning signs.

1 comment:

BadTux said...

A kid who says "I want to be a hedge fund manager" probably has the sort of parents who gloat proudly over such things anyhow. A.k.a. monsters.

- Badtux the Matter-of-fact Penguin