The Obesity Dividend

There might be trouble ahead for the Pentagon. Even though every branch of the military recently met its recruitment goals, there’s reason to fear they won’t be so lucky in the future. According to an article in Wired, the upcoming generation of potential warriors is just too damn fat to make good soldiers:

More than three-quarters of the nation’s 17- to 24-year-olds couldn’t serve in the military, even if they wanted to. They’re too fat, too sickly, too dumb, have too many kids, or have copped to using illegal drugs.

The armed services are willing to grant waivers for some of those conditions - asthma, or a little bit of weed. But the military’s biggest concern is how big and how weak its potential recruits have become.

“The major component of this is obesity,” Curt Gilroy, the Pentagon’s director of accessions, tells Army Times’ William McMichael. “Kids are just not able to do push-ups… And they can’t do pull-ups. And they can’t run.”

America might be forced to abandon war as the basis of its foreign policy because we just don’t have enough people who are physically or mentally able to fight. Obesity will make us do the right thing.

Who could have thought that being fat, lazy and stupid would turn out to be our salvation?

Blessed are the peacemakers: