Friday, August 21, 2009

Everything New Is Old

Let’s take a break from brooding about healthcare, wars, rumors of wars, depressions, recessions, Blackwater’s Christian Death Squads, and all of the other gaseous effusions that signal America’s impending collapse and have a little lightearted fun instead.

I move that the following words be re-introduced to the English language. They’re in a glossary of obsolete seventeenth century terms listed at the end of Robert Graves’ Wife To Mr. Milton. Modern discourse surely has a place for some of these gems (it might be helpful to think about the mainstream media when reading through them):

Daggy: bedraggled like a sheep that has lain in muck.

To Droil: to labor.

Fliperous: flippant or frivolous.

Hinnies: mules dammed by an ass and sired by a horse (think Glenn Beck).

Lick-Dish: a servile person (Larry King, perhaps?)

Vapouring: talking nonsense.

Gricomed meant syphilitic. But there’s more. A “noblemen or knight was said to be gricomed, whereas a citizen suffered from the Neapolitan scab and a serving man suffered from the plain pox.”

A syphilitic hierarchy? The rich got gricomed and the poor got ‘plain’pox? Sigh. The poor just can’t get a break, not even when it comes to catching the clap. Nothing has changed, I tell you, nothing

Now, in order to demonstrate the usefulness of these words in modern speech, I’ll use them in a sentence: The vapouring hinnies were gricomed and daggy after attending The White House Correspondents Association’s Third Annual Lick-Dish Convention; or, Glenn Beck was forced to take a week off from Fox News because he’s been droiling with a nasty case of the Neopolitan scab.

Which brings us back to health care …

No comments: