Democracy In Action

That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.
Ecclesiastes 1:15

Monday, the House voted The Wrong Way on the bailout bill. So the Senate took charge and hammered together a brand new plan designed to persuade the House to vote The Right Way next time (Friday).

How do the wise lawmakers of the Senate propose to influence the rabble in the House? First, stop calling it a bailout. From now on, it's a financial-rescue plan. Got it? Any fool Representative can vote against a bailout; try going back to your district after you've shot down a financial-rescue plan!

Second, don't make it smaller. Make it bigger. Tack on another billion. After all, once you're passed a few hundred billion, the numbers themselves lose any real significance in the average person's mind. They become foggy mental abstractions. Sure, he might vaguely grasp their importance, the same way a ten year old dimly comprehends the importance of "booby" or "vagina," but they have no concrete reality for him. Oh, and anyway, that extra billion or so won't be packaged up in the form of dollars. It will come in the form of "growth oriented tax cuts."

Third, substance. Where, exactly, do these "growth oriented tax cuts" go? Straight to what the folks love most, "motor-sports race tracks, makers of wooden arrows for children, and the rum excise tax for Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands." You thought there was nothing in this bill for the people? Guess again, Jack.

Democracy in action! The hot-heads in the House said no; the Solons down the hall say yes. A compromise bill is produced, and the whole farce gets replayed Friday in the House, and this time they'll probably vote The Right Way.

America may go bankrupt, but NASCAR will go on, your kid's toy arrows will be safe, and rum will be cheaper (and that's a good thing, because after tomorrow I have a funny feeling we're all going to need more rum).