Time For A Career Change

I've sent in my resume to CNN, MSNBC and CNBC. I've decided to get off the fence and chase my dream of becoming an economic 'analyst' on TV. True, I don't have an economics degree. True, I don't have big boobs. True, my daddy's not a rich man who worked at any networks. Hell, I don't even make good coffee. But I am an observant man, and I've been observing very closely all week as news anchors turn to the expertise of their in-house Adam Smiths, and I think I've basically mastered the fundamentals of the job. "Well, Bob, stocks are going to stay risky for the foreseeable future. Bonds are safer. In a bear market like this, make sure your assets are diversified. This downturn could get worse before it gets better. Here on Wall Street, traders are still preparing for a bumpy ride. Don't panic." Or something to that effect. Give me a pink tie and a pin-stripped suit, and within a few weeks they'll be writing puff pieces about me and gushing over my financial acumen in the New York Times Weekend Magazine. If I'm lucky, they'll even call me a "phenom!"