Are You Kidding Me?

Sarah Palin's children are named Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.

Sounds like a freakin' stuffed animal collection or the cast of Charmed.

Quote Of The Day

The clamor of the peace faction has convinced me that the country needs a war.

Theodore Roosevelt, winner of the 1906 Nobel Peace Prize.

It’s Hard Work!

Sarah Palin isn’t exactly sure what the vice president does every day. I wouldn’t expect her to be familiar with the job description, seeing as how it’s found in a document that isn’t too popular in Republican circles, the U.S. Constitution.

So let’s help her out. Article one, Section 2: The Vice-President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.

Article II, Section 1: In case of Removal of the President from Office, or of his Death, Resignation, or Inability to discharge the Powers and Duties of the Said Office, the Same shall devolve on the Vice-President…

That pretty much sums it up. And here’s a little trivia for Madame Vice-President. Whoops. I mean Madame Also-Ran. Back in the old days the job came with a warning. Article II, Section 4: The President, Vice-President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors. But that one doesn’t apply anymore.

Just Yer Good Old Boys

The ugly proof. (Scroll down.) It appears these guys are also into methamphetamines. Who could have guessed? One of them is actually named Shawn Adolph.

There May Be One Small Problem -- Us.

Obama said this campaign is not about him, it’s about us. He may be right, but not in the way he intended.

So let’s see, a young, charismatic presidential candidate with a fresh vision gives a fantastic, even historic, speech at the Democratic National Convention. He’s inspired record numbers of young people to register to vote. He’s a remarkable, self-made man who is the epitome of the traditional American success story. He’s exactly what the country needs after eight years of Bush/Cheney hell. The incumbent party has led us into two un-winnable wars and a recession. They’ve ruined our reputation abroad, erected torture chambers, and thirst for yet more war against Iran. The middle class is sinking into poverty while Exxon raked in over eleven billion dollars net profit last quarter. What’s more, his opponent is a stodgy old fart whose mind is rooted in the Cold War (He also has anger issues and his wife seems to have oddly brittle wrists. Just saying). This crusty old prick promises nothing but more war, more tax cuts for Exxon, more debt, a new Cold War with Russia, and thinks the fundamentals of our economy are strong. The stage is set for a slam dunk. Obama should win by a landslide. It’s a clear-cut contest of youth versus age, the future versus the past, dynamism versus leaden stagnation. Why even bother having an election?

Because there’s a slight problem, pithily summarized by a drunk redneck overheard last night in a liquor store after Obama's speech: “He’s the wrong color.”


I heard another moron offer up the following Oh So Funny Joke: “Obama’s pissed off because he’s half white but looks all black.”

There were also a few snickers about Obama’s middle name.

Now, granted, these are stupid redneck fucks in a stupid redneck town. But the fact that they feel absolutely comfortable making these remarks in public shows that they assume other&squo;s feel the same way, and I’m afraid they’re right. Just when I think this country has finally pulled it’s fat ass out of the primitive sludge of racial tribalism, I hear some stupid fuck make a remark like those quoted above. It’s disturbing in the extreme. This country is sinking into shit. It’s becoming a third world banana republic. One candidate clearly offers a positive change, the other advocates policies that will surely accelerate our decline, and yet the issue remains in doubt primarily because one of them is black. Full stop. I hope the above quotes are just isolated little anecdotes with no broader significance. I have my doubts. We’ll see.

Great Moments in American Civilization

H.L. Mencken said nobody ever went broke underestimating the bad taste of the American people. His observation is strikingly confirmed by the latest offering on the G4 network, Hurl! It’s a really swell show. Contestants gorge themselves on hot dogs, burgers, macaroni and cheese and all sorts of other goodies, then they undergo a series of ‘physical challenges’ designed to make them vomit it all back up. The contestant who can jump off high dives or twirl around on swings without puking up his Hot Pockets and chocolate pie is the winner! I know, feeding Christians to lions or watching gladiators fight to the death would be much more entertaining, but give it time. We’ll get there. For those of you with fully developed frontal lobes or normally functioning thyroid glands, G4 is a channel aimed at young males who, judging from the programming, have already discovered masturbation but haven’t yet gotten laid, so their mental universe revolves around porno mags, ultimate fighting and Nintendo games. The president of the network, one Neal Tiles, calls G4 a “multimedia destination that’s ‘relevant’ and ‘authentic’ to the interests of today’s young male demo.” So I guess gluttony and vomiting as spectator sport is relevant and authentic to today’s young male “demo.”

American Exceptionalism

“Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century.”
George W. Bush